


The Means to Go On

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dom/sub Undertones, F/F, F/M, Forced Prostitution, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Kinda, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Power Imbalance, Sugar Momma, actually, but it isn't a popular enough tag, me pretending I know anything about the business world, no burn, that should be a think cause I have zero patience, the opposite of slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:00:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8194789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which Angelica Schuyler finds out that Alexander Hamilton doesn't just love her sister more than he loves her, he also loves his fuck buddy from the military more than he loves her.Or, in which Angelica Schuyler is not a lesbian until maybe she is.Or, in which Angelica Schuyler accidentally becomes a sugar momma and loves every moment of it.Or, - actually, maybe just read the fic





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo, this is my first multichapter fic so lets see how that goes! This was never a real ship of mine either until the idea for this fic literally came to me in the shower! I'm really liking the idea of it, and so I'm hoping y'all like it! :)

Angelica left her New York hotel room in favor of sitting in the lobby while she waited for a car to arrive. Sensing an oncoming cold she was dressed in a yellow raincoat and a pale pink scarf, not her most fashionable decision, but the lobby’s artificial heat gave off an allusion to the heavy chill that hung in the air outside, so it was not one she would regret. There was jazz playing from the hotel’s restaurant, too low to know the song, she wasn’t familiar with jazz music anyway, but enjoyed it enough to let herself follow the rhythm while she waited.

Dinner with her sister and her sister’s husband. God knows she’s in love with him, but Eliza loves him helplessly, and Angelica always put her younger sister first, even if it meant living out of state with the slightly ditzy rich boy her father set her up with. At least he paid for a nice hotel room, not that she couldn’t afford one on her own, successful in her own career pursuits, but as the oldest daughter of a sonless political figure she didn’t have time for sulking, Alexander Hamilton wasn’t an option from the start. But she would do dinner and visit them for her long weekend; she had a niece and nephew to visit as well, Phillip and Angie, and the way the two young children spoke, often stopping themselves in the middle of a story to avoid some great detail, suggested that the Hamilton household had some ulterior motive for their invitation than a simple visit. Angelica prayed for another pregnancy, Eliza was at her happiest when she had a baby to care for, and little Angelica just started school, so Eliza was spending her days alone, something that made Angelica wish she wasn’t always working and so far away, so she could visit and grant her sister some peace of mind.

Her train of thought is cut off by a young man tapping her shoulder and introducing himself as her driver for her stay; she avoided thoughts of her sister’s family during her ride, instead browsing through her phone pointlessly, dutifully liking the right people’s photos on Instagram and retweeting the kind word’s a reporter attached to an interview with her father. When she arrived Eliza ran out the door, Phillip close behind; Angelica was quickly bombarded with greetings and hugs and kisses, all of which she reciprocated with a grand smile, one that softened as Alex came to stand in the doorway with baby – not anymore, had that much time really passed? – Angelica in his arms, one who looked very put out to not be in the middle of the action.

Eliza caught her arm to get her attention and Phillip grabbed her hand, talking away about Angie’s difficulty with the cobblestone driveway and how Papa wouldn’t let her run to say hello but she was still very excited, something that Angelica got to learn for herself when the five year old practically jumped from her father’s arms to her aunt’s, “Hello!” She squealed, wrapping her arms tight around Angelica’s neck, cutting off the surprised laugh she received in response before directing a question at Eliza, “Mommy? Can I tell Aunt Angelica about Papa and Daddy yet?”

The question was definitely something to confuse, and both Angelicas watched as Eliza and Alex shared worried looks, “I suppose now will have to do, Phillip can you take your sister? Show her that new song I was teaching you on the piano.” Eliza urged softly, hushing her nine year old’s protests against not staying glued to his aunt’s side.

With the children gone there was an uncertain air that hung amongst the three of them, Alexander, ever eager to lay everything out even seemed hesitant when he spoke, “Angelica, we’ve both missed you so much,” She ignored the way her heart jumped, “so much has happened, we really wanted to tell you sooner, but you work so much and this wasn’t something I could throw in during a phone call. It’s complicated.” He rambled and Angelica began to grow anxious, Eliza interrupted.

“Let’s go inside, I have tea made and, well, I sense this isn’t a short conversation.” Her usually hospitable and gentle tone took a nervous edge that made Angelica terrified as to what was to come; Eliza was definitely not pregnant.

In the small living room the tea set Angelica got Eliza after a business trip to Japan is laid out on the coffee table which is boxed in by an arm chair and couch, sat on the couch is the biggest curveball Angelica has ever been thrown in her entire life.

John Laurens.

He stood, palms pressed to his sides and Angelica looked for clarification, it didn’t come. John stepped forward and offered a hand, which she shook automatically looking at the three in the greatest deal of confusion she’s ever felt, “What’s going on? Are you guys setting me up because this is weirdly tense and I’m flattered really but-”

“Ang, John has been living with us, we aren’t setting you up. Do you remember when he and I were in the military together? Before me and Eliza were married?” Alex cut her off and, oh, yes Angelica remembers how close they were, how drunk Laurens got at the wedding, how the French one, Lafayette she remembers, had taken him off to a dark corner and hushed him during Angelica’s speech, his eyes were puffy when he returned for the reception but he had the most genuine smile on his face when Alex took him to dance, the both were sloppy and drunk and Eliza simply laughed along with them when they got a little too handsy with each other.

“I remember you from the wedding, your speech was beautiful. But, before Alex met Eliza, me and him shared, a lot, and well, we sort of fell into this, um, it’s difficult to explain, you see my father was a very publically involved man, and he didn’t expect me to ever be less than a loyal husband and business successor with a good wife, and I didn’t really agree with him and so he cut me off so I joined the military to get my school paid for and that’s how I met Alex and we started to, we had a, uh.” He took a breath and frankly, Angelica wished he would just spit it out. “We were fucking. Basically, just also with feelings, ‘cause we were, we _are_ , best friends so of course there was feelings. And like, I love him, I’m in love with him, and he loves me back, which is wild right?” Angelica didn’t like were this was going, she glanced to Eliza, expecting to see more of that discomfort, or hurt, or anything other than what she found, which was a gentle fondness that was intertwined with what could easily be mistaken for love. Eliza spoke before Angelica could form a question.

“After the wedding, before we left for the honeymoon Dad got us, John showed up, he was, really, really wasted and he told me about all of this and so, I asked Alexander if he still loved Mr. Laurens and he would never lie to me, so he said yes. I told them to meet me upstairs and, well, I'll just say that we both kissed John goodbye while he was sleeping before we left the next morning, after that he was nearly impossible to reach, and when we found out I was pregnant we figured it would be better to just let it go, and then Phillip was born and now that he’s getting older, well you must see it, the resemblance can’t be a coincidence, the timeline matches up. And so about two weeks after your last visit I noticed John was at an event with his father, so we contacted Henry and finally, finally got in contact with John and told him about Phillip, sent him a picture and he called Alex crying. He wanted to apologize to me Angie, he loves my husband and he loves the children, and he and I can definitely agree that we share a deep affection for each other, so it made the most sense to me, to us, that he come stay for a bit, a trial period. So he stayed for a month, and then we all agreed that we really didn’t want him to leave, even the kids loved him. He’s so good for us.” She took a breath and Angelica took a long moment to take it all in, Eliza let the silence pass by taking John’s hand and standing beside him; Alex was antsy, fidgeting and John laughed, pulling him over to join the pair by his waist. Admittedly they looked beautiful together and _my god_ how she didn’t see how much Phillip looked like John she’ll never know, she was trying desperately to find words, Eliza seemed desperate for approval, the way she spoke was just like when she had first met Alex, blushing and anxious and overwhelmed, Angelica was feeling the same as she did then as well; the pang of hurt when she took in the sight of her Alexander loving not one, but two people that weren’t her was nearly too much.

“You’re happy?” It was all she could think to say, and Eliza crumbled with relief, coming forward to pull her sister into an embrace.

“I’ve never been happier.”

After dinner, which was spent in silence between the four adults merely because the two children talked through the whole thing, taking turns telling stories they couldn’t share before and eating their food at their mother’s demand. Angelica was invited to stay for a drink, but she kissed each of the three once on the cheek and took her leave with promise of her return the next day, feigning exhaustion. Alex’s first words to her swum around in her head, talk about his lack of satisfaction, how he always had to have more, she wondered if he was just being greedy, if two would be enough from here on out, _maybe they’ll have a grand reveal of his love for Hercules Mulligan_ she thought to herself bitterly, quickly shushing the thought as her driver arrived. In reality she could very much use a drink, but not in her sister’s company, she asked her driver to take her to the bar nearest to her hotel, one look at her face and he complied without a comment.

The bar was high end, she could tell when she walked in that in the earlier hours of the evening it’s the kind of place she would take a colleague for post meeting cocktails, but at this time of night the business crowd was flowing more out than in, anyone who remained was more red in the face, ties loose, maybe leaning in a little too close to the people they’re sitting with. There was a more suggestive air to the room, not entirely unwelcome; John Church was about as interested in a relationship with Angelica Schuyler as she was with him, and they both knew this, they were only together because it made their parents happy and they both had social appearances to keep up, so their arrangement was strictly need to know. However, the young girl in the red dress was the last person Angelica expected to catch her eye.

The description was unfair, almost an insult to this woman’s stunning demeanor. Her skin was glowing, flawless, her eyes a deep brown and full lips that were painted such a striking red she shouldn’t have been able to carry it off as well as she did, said lips pulled into a gentle smile as the girl caught Angelica taking in the soft but far from subtle curves her dress highlighted, cinched at the waist, low, low cut neckline and a skirt that seemed to drape over her hips. Now to the best of her knowledge Angelica was not gay, but this woman was-

“Beautiful isn’t she?” She is pulled from the distraction by a man blocking her view, he was the very opposite of what Angelica had been taking in seconds before, his voice sounded sleazy, and he stood like he owned the town, but his clothes suggested otherwise, “I’m James Reynolds and, aha, lucky for you my whore wife is just that, and for a price you could bring her home for the night.” He grabbed a napkin and wrote down a number, Angelica glanced to see the young woman pretending not to watch with a distinct look of humiliation. It made her stomach turn; she didn’t read the number, instead picked up her drink and took a slow sip letting her best look of disgust take on her features as she looked James up and down.

“I’m hardly interested. You should respect your wife more than that.” She scoffed, taking her eyes from him to scan over the bar, not letting herself linger on the girl, she wasn’t gay, and there should be no attachment here other than how repulsed she felt at the way this woman was being prostituted out by her own husband, she couldn’t have been more than twenty-two.

James shrugged and looked across the bar, she followed his eyes to a man who was well into his years and watching James’ wife with an intensity that set dread into Angelica’s bones, “Looks like I have a more interested party.” He shrugged ready to go before the eldest Schuyler grabbed his shoulder and made a decision she would most likely regret, only following her instinct to help this girl.

“How much for the whole weekend? I worry about meals, she stays with me, and I send her home bright and early Monday morning.” It was out of her mouth before she had a chance to think about it, and the grin that spread across his face was revolting as he jotted down a new number, considerably larger, and Angelica swallowed before excusing herself to go find an ATM. She was still wearing that awful yellow raincoat and pink scarf.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I tagged this no burn for a reason I am an Eager Beaver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't edit this! I'll probably read it in the morning and Regret

Angelica didn’t really make a habit of hiring prostitutes, so when she returned to the bar and James’ caught Angelica’s eye she found herself realizing just what she has agreed to, judging by the heat in her cheeks her face was probably about as red and the still nameless woman’s lips. “I imagine I won’t be pulling out my money here, but I don’t particularly want you to know where I’m staying.”

“Alley suits us fine doesn’t darling? She’s never been picky, and she’s familiar with that alley anyway.” James laughed and Angelica held back a sneer, following the two out, a tightening of his grip and a harsh whisper had his wife walking in a exaggeratedly feminine manner, swaying her hips and stretching her legs ahead of herself like a cat, in all honesty it did add allure, the swing off the skirt showed off her legs and pressing back her shoulders pushed out her chest in a way that made the neckline of her dress even more dangerously exposing that it already was.

The alley was dark and dirty and made Angelica shiver while she handed James a wad of cash that made his wife’s eyes bulge, “That’s not our normal rate, am I supposed to do something special?” She asked, her voice was gentle and nervous, like she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to talk and he chuckled, catching her chin in his hand and turning so she was forced to look straight at Angelica.

“You belong to her for the weekend, try to behave, and _don’t embarrass me_.” His last words were a sharp hiss and she nodded, stepping forward when shoved to smile at Angelica, it was clearly forced, and Angelica could see her gripping her skirt to hide the nervous tremble in her hands. “She’s never done this before, so have some fun and make sure you don’t send her back broken.” James called over his shoulder as he stalked off, and Angelica watched until he was out of sight before turning back to the girl she just bought for the weekend, _what the fuck?_

The drive to her hotel was completely silent, like there was a black hole driving the car instead of a lanky college student, and when they walked into the hotel room the woman stood just inside the doorway and seemed to be waiting instruction, she was like an animal who had been beat into behaving, head down and tail between her legs.

Angelica poured herself and the girl each a glass of wine, set them on the coffee, and opened the curtains so that the setting sun hit her guest’s skin and _my god_ she glowed, dark hair and honey skin, and Angelica was _not_ a lesbian. “What’s your name? Your real name; lie if you want.” She really wasn’t interested in the ‘ _what do you want my name to be?_ ’ narrative.

“Maria. It’s my real name.”

“Well Maria, I’m Angelica, have a drink. I’m not a lesbian so your husband’s disgusting need to prostitute you out won’t be entirely satisfied tonight.”

Maria rushed forward to sip from the glass then sped through an immediate reply, “Mr. Reynolds is not a bad man. I met him when I was sixteen, he might be a bit older than me but because of that I have learned so much from him! He married me as soon as I turned eighteen, well not really because we didn’t have a lot of money but he gave me a ring so a piece of paper doesn’t mean much, because he really does love me, we only do this so I can help afford things, I never finished high school and I couldn’t make nearly as much on minimum wage so this is for the best!” She spoke so fast it was a wonder how she didn’t trip over the words, seemingly only realizing how outspoken it was of her when Angelica repressed her grimace at this girl’s warped view and instead raised a single eyebrow while watching over her wine glass, “Oh my- I’m sorry, I get too excited sometimes and forget to watch my mouth, I’m working on it I promise! I- I understand if you want to punish me or take me back.”

Angelica had only seen one other person lose control and regret it so immediately, and this girl couldn’t replicate young Alexander Hamilton’s eager eyes better. So Angelica did the sensible thing, as she always does; she stood and placed a steady hand under Maria’s chin and guided her so they made eye contact, “I’m not upset, you’re more than entitled to your own opinions, if you want to, we can talk about this more, but first I’d like to order us some food, are you hungry?”

Maria seemed to be more shaken by the lack of anger than she had been at her own words and nodded wordlessly, chin settling back down in Angelica’s hand before the older woman pulled away, digging around for a room service menu. “Any allergies? I’ve really been craving a Philly cheese steak, and New York does them so much better than Boston, well, maybe not better, but we’re right by the place my dad used to take me and my sister’s when we were little, so it might be the nostalgia talking.” Upon Maria’s confirmation Angelica made a quick call and the two looked at each other across the room as silence began to fill the space between them.

“Would you like to take a shower?” She wasn’t sure if Maria would reject anything Angelica said but she nodded and Angelica pointed her in the direction of the bathroom, “I have make-up wipes and moisturizer under the sink, help yourself.”

The food came while Maria was in the bathroom but Angelica didn’t see much point in waiting, however she second guessed her decision when she choked on a mouthful of beef and cheese because Maria emerged barely covered in a towel with stunning young features revealed by the lack of her dramatic make-up. Angelica could smell her moisturizer, somehow sweeter than usual, wafting off the girl among a tangle of soap and shampoo. Maria held up her clothes, the red dress and an underwear set that had Angelica’s thoughts loudly trying to remind her that the eldest daughter of Phillip Schuyler was _not_ gay, “I wasn’t sure if I should put this back on?”

“You can wear something of mine.” She was disappointed in her lack of forethought, Maria brought nothing with her besides the clothes on her back because of the quick exchange, and opened her suitcase to pass the girl something to wear; she hesitated over her weekend bag and settled on a pair of soft pink shorts and a black t-shirt, nothing fancy, and looking to be about Maria’s size, Angelica only hoped that her clothes, bought to fit her own slender frame, wouldn’t cause trouble for the young girl’s less subtle curves. Angelica cleared her throat to offered the clothes and gesture to the food. “Here, and eat when your dressed, help yourself to the wine, I have to check my email really quick.” She poured herself another glass, onto her fourth since her first during dinner with her sister’s family, the Philly cheese steak wasn’t doing a very good job absorbing the alcohol, maybe it was because of how little she usually drinks, the Angelica of ten years ago would be embarrassed.

‘Really quick’ turned into an hour and then into a couple hours; some meltdown with an intern getting hired by a competitor and stealing a file, it was a mess for paperwork but the nuisance didn’t even steal something valuable, something labelled _Tax Returns_ that was an instruction manual on filing returns, not that they weren’t public knowledge anyway, or that Angelica had ever allowed herself to wander into embezzlement in the first place. Basically, this was a massive waste of her time and when she finally had everyone directed to tasks that would clear it up she closed the Gmail tab with a huff, glancing at the small clock in the corner of the screen before shutting her laptop and scrubbing a hand over her face, it was after midnight.

Remembering her guest, Angelica looked up to see Maria, in Angelica’s clothes, face flushed in a way that suggested she did, in fact, help herself to the wine; the bottle was nearly empty beside a half eaten cheese steak. She was watching Angelica, the television had never been turned on, suggesting she had been watching the whole time, “You look like you could use another glass of wine.” Maria’s voice was gentle and slow, relaxed, and paired with an easy smile.

Angelica chuckled and stood, stretching her arms above her head, “More like a solid twenty-four hours where I don’t have any work to do. Excuse me, I’m going to change and wash my face.” Her eyes took turns lingering between Maria’s lips and the way the t-shirt grew snug around her chest, she blamed it on the wine, didn’t dwell on the fact that she couldn’t decide if it made her want to drink more or less and grabbed her nightgown, a simple champagne coloured silk slip, before entering the bathroom. The harsh light and large mirror left little to be desired as she removed her make-up and changed, avoiding the temptation to dwell on the imperfections on her skin, she wasn’t self conscious.

She emerged to the sight of Maria, laid back, hair half dry and fanned out over the arm of the couch, curling at the ends. Her eyes were half closed and she was humming to herself, a tune Angelica hadn’t heard before, what caught her attention was the hint to how lovely Maria’s voice was. Everything about this girl seemed to be naturally soft and gentle, especially with a few drinks in her. “Are you tired? You can sleep on the bed; I’ll get us a different room tomorrow, so we both have one.”

Maria cracked an eye before the other followed and she pulled herself to sit up, shaking her head softly, “M’not tired.” She yawned despite her statement and Angelica laughed softly, her own tipsiness prompting her to go over and sit beside the girl, “Besides, I haven’t gotten to thank you for being so nice to me.” She let the last word trail off with a breathless giggle as her soft hand came to rest on Angelica’s arm, leaning in close, close, closer, until they were sharing air, Angelica could smell the wine on Maria’s lips, maybe it was on her own.

After a moment of hesitance Angelica closed the gap and pressed their lips together for what felt both like five years and five seconds. Maria’s lips were sweet and soft and they felt innocent, not like someone who was manipulated into a relationship at sixteen and then prostituted out by someone she thought she loved, she felt as beautiful as she looked, and the way she leaned into it was natural and almost as gorgeous as the brown eyes that had been forced to see too much. When she pulled back Maria took in a sharp breath, and Angelica stood, hands pressed to her sides. “You should go to bed, we both drank too much.” She muttered, ignoring how clear her head felt, she told herself that the kiss only sobered her because she felt horrible for taking advantage of power she held over Maria.

Maria stood quickly, and swayed, so Angelica caught her around the waist and guided the young girl to the large bed across the hotel room, almost concerned by how affected she was by most of a bottle of wine, “You don’t drink very often do you?”

“Mr. Reynolds doesn’t let me! Says it makes me sloppy and more of a whore than I already am.” She shrugged, her tone indifferent as she flopped on to the bed, letting Angelica pull the heavy duvet out and drape it over her. Maria caught her wrist as she turned to leave and Angelica glanced back with a raised eyebrow, expression softening at the dampness in her eyes, a vulnerability exposed, “He loves me right? He only says the truth; I should respect him for that.”

Angelica wanted to tell Maria that of course he doesn’t love her, wanted to wipe away her tears and brush back her hair and make the girl see that you can’t be loved by someone who is willing to sell you off to a stranger for a whole weekend. Wanted her to know that real love is safe and sure and warm. But Angelica felt real love for Alexander, and pure love for her younger sister, and all that ever did was break her heart, and all those wounds were so damn fresh thanks to John Laurens, the man they chose over her while she suffered through a loveless relationship away in Boston. So she smoothed the blanket at the end of the bed and swallowed the lump in her throat, shaking her head softly and walking away from the trembling breath Maria took in at the silent response to lie awake on the couch, the spare hotel pillow and comforter from the coat closet further reminding her that she wasn’t really sure what she would say if people asked her what her home was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please dear readers remember that hiring a prostitute is not a good way to deal with heartbreak, and developing gay feelings for said prostitute is never a healthy beginning to a relationship


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not very much Maria in this one folks :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! you can visit me at my tumblr larry-or-die
> 
> maybe hit me up with ideas for a new url since it hasn't been a one direction blog for months

A call from Eliza woke Angelica up, she needed to change her ringtone it was too loud, or too high, or maybe Angelica was too old to impulse drink a lot of wine; she answered the phone with a groggy, “Hello?”

“Angelica!”  Eliza’s voice was too loud, but sweet as always. “I know it’s a little early, but I wanted to call ahead and see if you would have lunch with me today? Just me; we can talk and after we can meet my boys for tennis? You brought your tennis outfit right? We’d look _darling_ matching on the court, and John managed to convince Alex to get an outfit, they both look hysterical you’re going to love it, so we can play teams! It will be really sweet, girls against boys, Phillip and Angie love to watch.”

“Yes, I have my tennis outfit; that sounds great. Where do you want to eat? Text me the address?” They finished off the conversation and Angelica ended the call before sitting up, on the couch. Why was she on the couch?

The whole night came rushing back to her in a flash and, “Shit.” She hired a prostitute. A real life woman in an abusive relationship who is sold off by her husband each night; except Angelica _bought her for the whole weekend_. She stood in search of an elastic or scrunchie so she could pull back her hair and maybe try to find a way to rectify her mistake, but was stopped in her spot by the sight of Maria, sat up in bed, _beautiful_ , her hair dried in the night and hung loose and curly down her back, she was still wearing the clothes Angelica gave her, they hugged her body in ways that had the little question mark pop up in the sexuality part of her conscious.

After a moment of mutual staring Maria’s lips, a soft pink without her red lipstick, parted to make way for careful words. “Good morning, I hope you slept well.”

“I kissed you.”

“Yes.”

“I’m not a lesbian.”

“Okay.”

Angelica huffed out of breath and swiped a puffy scrunchie off the desk her laptop rested on to pull her hair up into a sloppy ponytail. “I have plans with my sister today; will you be okay here alone? I wasn’t really thinking when I- uh, last night, I came here to be with my sister.” She glanced up and watched Maria shift in her spot, fiddling with the hem of the blanket in her lap, the t-shirt had slid up over her hips in the night, bunching at her waistline, Angelica could see a bit of the girl’s soft stomach push out over the elastic waist of the pink cotton shorts, maybe she didn’t have to choose between straight and gay, millennials were exposing all kinds of in betweens lately.

“I’m sorry to ask, but if I can, why did you take me for the weekend? You said you aren’t interested in my, uh, typical activities, and now you say that you wanted to spend the weekend with your family?” Maria had a really good point, why on Earth did Angelica fork out that much cash? To save the girl? She goes back Monday before Angelica’s flight, it’s not like three nights will change her life; maybe it was a guilty conscious, couldn’t let her go with the old man at the bar. Her phone chimed with a text from Eliza, maybe not a guilty conscious.

“Let’s get breakfast first, New York deli bagels and coffee isn’t something I can ever turn down. You can wear this.” She passed Maria a shift dress that was bright white and a thick navy cardigan, selected light blue jeans and heavy sweater in a dark gray for herself.

In the elevator down she examined their reflection in the mirror, without her cheap make-up and exposing clothes, Maria was a natural beauty, and admittedly, she and Angelica looked really good standing beside each other. They walked out of the hotel and down the street, the deli looked run down but it was the same place she got the cheese steaks so she knew it was good, “Get whatever you like.” She urged the younger girl before smiling at the man at the counter, and placing her order, a bagel with chicken salad and a latte with vanilla and caramel in it. She nudged Maria and the girl stumbled forward, rambling off a medium black coffee, and, after a quick glance to Angelica for confirmation that she was allowed, a cinnamon bagel with strawberry cream cheese. Their food was given to them promptly and they settled in a corner of the cafe, Maria watched Angelica patiently, coffee raised to her lips to blow on it until its cool enough to sip.

“Back when I was in college, I fell in love with this boy at the same school as me, he was a year above me, a communications major, he was _eager_ , and a fucking genius, and I knew in a second exactly his type, the kind to marry a girl for social status and hope he falls in love along the way. The type of boy who put his career above everything else his life without a second thought.” Angelica laughed dryly, mostly to herself, took a bite of her bagel and swallowed before she continued, “I wanted him anyway, so I dragged my sister Eliza to a kegger his friend Hercules was having, she was in her first year and _terrified_ to go to a frat party, hell, so was I! I didn’t do anything that wasn’t by the book until that party, it showed me rebellion and new ideas and it’s one of those things I’ll never forget. The light was low, dreamlike, and as soon as I walked in, it was some switch; boys were tripping over themselves to get me or Eliza to dance with them, or even give them the time of day. We only danced with each other for the first hour, then Eliza went to the bathroom and Alexander Hamilton arrived. They pointed him in my direction and I brushed him off but I felt this _desire_ , I was on my way to talk to him again, maybe half an hour later, and Eliza spotted him taking shots with his friends. I hadn’t even mentioned him yet, wanted to make sure it wasn’t just vodka and beer clouding my judgement, but one look at her face when he smiled across the room, at me but I’d never tell her that, and I knew, she didn’t need to waste her time telling me that she called dibs. They dated for three years before they were married, they have two kids now. Last night I found out she’s also in a relationship with his best friend and lover; they all live together with the kids and are so very happy. And he chose both of them over me.”

“I’m very sorry, and you’re so kind to sacrifice all that for your sister, but I don’t understand what that has to do with my question?”

“He has these eyes; I can see them on command if I just close mine. They’re eyes that want, you can see his whole soul in them, intelligence and curiosity and this undying determination. Somehow, pardon my insensitivity but despite your situation and how you came to be in it.” Angelica looks up, right at Maria who seemed to be realizing the pending end of her sentence, the exploration for an answer only furthered the similarities she had seen since her first close encounter with the girl. “You have those eyes.”

They just watched each other for a moment and Maria nodded slowly, taking a sip of her coffee. “What does that mean for me?”

“I really wish I knew.”

 

When they returned to the hotel Angelica pulled out the tennis uniform and folded it into the bottom of a large purse, it said Schuyler in gold on the back of a pale pink sweater with a matching pleated skirt, the style was a little young at this point but she carried it off with the same grace Eliza carried her matching powder blue one. She could see Maria watching her; she always seemed to be watching despite the easy entertainment that could come from the smart phone Angelica had managed glimpses of, perhaps part of the deep curiosity that possessed her. “I won’t be back until closer to dinner, get yourself room service for lunch, whatever you want, it’ll charge to the room, my laptop doesn’t have a password, there’s Netflix and then also the TV, you can order a movie if you want to.” She rambled on while stuffing her feet into her tennis shoes, they were plain white, matched her outfit well enough that she didn’t need to bring them. “The other room key is in the desk drawer, in case you really need to go somewhere. That should be everything I think! You can text me for _anything_ don’t be nervous okay?” A nod from Maria and Angelica was out the door.

The restaurant wasn’t far so she was able to walk, but she was also considerably early for lunch, it was only around ten o’clock, so she had two hours to kill. She couldn’t bring herself to remain in the uncertain company of Maria for a minute longer; it wasn’t just the leftover hints of her small hangover that provided a dull ache to her head.

She wandered downtown, and as the streets grew familiar she remembered growing up with her sisters in this amazing city, she finds the building that reminds her of the first time they went to a protest, invited by Alexander and his visionary friends, remembers how it changed her life to funnel all the passion and pure _life_ she held inside of her into something. She got into a fight and got herself arrested and Peggy convinced their dad to post bail, she remembers her mismatch group of friends cheering for her in the police station while she laughed and struck ridiculous poses, her smile had barely faltered at the flash of memory of Eliza curling a soft hand into Alex’s sure ones, she hardly had the chance to experience it then, Lafayette had swept her up onto their shoulders while singing a French victory song.

She walked by the run down pizza shop where they all frequently shared almost stale slices, God the food was so terrible there; why did they ever go in the first place? And how did it stay in business? She laughed to herself and resisted the temptation to buy a slice for the sake of it, the smell that wafted out of the place more of a deciding factor than her own willpower.

As she reminisced she came to realize that most of her memories were of watching her sister fall in love, of watching the man she loved slip further and further away. It took maybe a week before she gave up all hope of ever being with Alexander, so how come she never moved on? Or dated anyone else? She was surrounded by men, all smart and kind, handsome, they courted her and the only one she never coldly turned down was John Church, because he was only interested in appearances, he wasn’t the monogamy kind. She moved to live with him to make her father happy.

Maybe she wasn’t made for love.

Alone with her thoughts was never safe, and eventually she found herself rushing to make it to the restaurant on time. It was plush and expensive and her thoughts flicked briefly to the pizza place before she caught sight of Eliza, beautiful in a loose navy turtleneck and white jeans tucked into boots, the outfit's colours made her brain jump to Maria and black coffee for a brief moment. They hugged and sat, Angelica didn’t look at the menu, instead at the nervous air that surrounded her sister, “Are you alright?”

Eliza’s eyes shot up from where they were intensely focused on the table cloth and she forced a grin, “I just want to make sure you are, with, y’know, everything. It’s a lot, and we kind of threw it at you, and you didn’t talk much last night so I’ve just be so worried-”

“Worried? Eliza I love you, I care for your happiness more than my own, what could possibly worry you?” Angelica reached across the table to take her sister’s hands in her own, she received a grateful squeeze in return.

“I just, don’t want you to think I’m greedy or perverted or something like that. We all care about each other, and built this on communication and trust; when I saw John Laurens on that news clip I knew who I was – who I am. But I also want that to be someone my big sister can be proud of.” Eliza took a breath and squeezed Angelica’s hand again, it was returned and the eldest of the two gave a kind smile, nodding.

“I’ll always be proud of you. You know, I thought the news was that you were pregnant again.” They both laughed and Eliza delightfully confessed that the idea of another baby had been coming up in conversation lately.

They divulged into pleasant conversation that tore away the tensions, and when they finished Eliza reminded Angelica of their tennis match, laughing about being young flirts at country clubs while Angelica felt dread settle into her stomach. Eliza was easy to be normal around, to see the same, Alexander would only take a first moment of awkwardness before they could return to themselves; John Laurens, well, it was going to take more than a tennis match to ease the discomfort between her and the man who was asserting himself into her family by entering a relationship with her sister and brother-in-law. She pushed aside the temptation to voice her thoughts and instead sang along with Eliza’s car’s radio, both her and her sister laughing and belting out notes they couldn’t reach until they pulled into the driveway of the townhouse that was home to the Hamilton’s – maybe they would become the Hamilton-Laurens’, but if that was the case then they might as well throw Schuyler into the mix.

They went inside and, finding nobody home, rushed to change so they wouldn’t have them waiting at the courts for too long. They both squealed and laughed at how they looked in the uniforms, it was cute and a little embarrassing to wear the short skirt and sequined sweater. Angelica’s embarrassments were put to rest and replaced with gut wrenching laughter when they arrived and saw John and Alexander, decorated war veterans and the latter of which having grown up in poverty and foster care, in white polo’s and bright chino shorts, John was in a deep purple and Alex his frequently worn emerald green, they smiled and waved at the sight of Eliza’s car and Angelica’s earlier worries were also dispensed as a couple hello hugs to the children was all she got to do before they jumped into the game.

With the children around there wasn’t room for any talk related to the previous evening’s events, they stuck to the run-around debacle with Angelica’s work and John’s shocking ability in the kitchen, he and Eliza had begun taking cooking classes together and Alex spent the better part of their game raving about his partners’ delicious creations.

When they were all soaked in sweat, out of stories, and Angelica Jr. was loudly announcing that her aunt was the winner, they decided to call it a day. Alex was helping John pack up their equipment and Angelica’s niece came forward with a coloured page from her book that Philip had helped her tear out. It was Thomas the Train and she had coloured it orange and signed it in large and slightly misshapen letters with a heart for her aunt. Angelica wanted to get it laminated.

Despite protests from all three other adults, Angelica called for her car to pick her up, making up a work excuse for needing to be with her laptop; while Alex and Eliza herded the kids into Alex’s car, Angelica found herself being approached by one John Laurens.

“Hey, I hope things don’t get weird. You’re an amazing woman, but I think I understand you better than you let most people know you.” Angelica raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, who was this guy? “Sorry, that sounded really presumptuous, what I mean is that I know what it’s like to be the oldest child of a powerful man, and to have those shoes forced on you to fill. I know how it feels to deny part of who you are because you were shaped to such a specific mold it didn’t even occur to you to consider it. Eliza was telling me about how you never dated in university; how you never talk about your boyfriend and when you do it’s with disdain. Can we meet for coffee tomorrow? Right at breakfast, Eliza and Alex have something with the kids, I think you know what I’m trying to get to here but if you sleep on it, you might be more open to the idea, and I’m a really good listener.” He was looking right into her eyes, he didn’t seem worried that she’d grow furious or accusatory, the heavy fall of her shoulder’s seemed to instill more confidence in his thoughts and he patiently waited for her reply.

“Okay, yes, that would be nice; I could use an impartial opinion. Thank you.” She pulled him into a hug and they exchanged numbers. After her goodbyes to the rest of the family her car having arrived at some point during the conversations, she rode home with a new set determinations, the kind that wound her stomach tight and made her question and reaffirm a thousand times in her head.

She was going to sleep with Maria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SAID NO BURN


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angelica follows through on her promise to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am SO sorry for how long this took, my life got really in the way but I'm hoping I'll be back with more frequent updates now, I love you all for your patience and understanding :)))))))))

Angelica entered the hotel room thrumming with energy, Maria was sat on the couch in unfamiliar clothing, there was a worn backpack near her feet and Angelica’s laptop on the coffee table, and by the looks of things she was watching Glee. Maria looked up and turned anxious, she was wearing make-up, it was light, but there, “I got some stuff from Mr. Reynolds because I’m here for two more nights- I had him meet me at the deli you brought me to this morning so he didn’t know the hotel you were staying at, I- I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to leave, I should’ve texted you.” She looked unsure of herself and Angelica sat beside her and shook her head, eager to relieve the girl.

“Don’t worry; I should have arranged for you to get a weekend bag, this is good. I want you to be comfortable.” She placed a careful hand on Maria’s knee, and the relief that seemed to fill the girl was almost alarming, Angelica wasn’t sure if it was wishful thinking but she felt Maria’s knee push into her hand, a small gesture but one that, if not imagined, meant her touch was welcome.

Angelica was a politician's daughter, and a successful business woman; she had perfected the art of persuasion, of finding ways to say the most offensive things and make it sound like a compliment. Why was it then, she had no idea what to say now? Her hand stilled where it sat in Maria's knee, and her mouth opened and closed several time, _Get it together Schuyler you look like a God damn goldfish_. She pursed her lips together and nodded, Maria's expression of confusion didn't let up until Angelica spoke, at which time it turned to worry and maybe even a bit of fear.

"Last night, I kissed you. And you kissed me back." Her words were measured, her tone even in a way that clearly left Maria thinking she had done something wrong.

"I- I’m sorry, I didn't mean anything by it! I won't do something unless you tell me next time, I promise. I'm sorry." Her voice shook and her leg tensed, Angelica watched her fingers slowly flex where they were clasped in her lap, she was trying to keep still.

"You're not in trouble. You're an adult Maria, I'm saying this because I want to know, are you interested in women?" She swallowed the nervous lump in her throat and looked up to meet Maria's eyes. The younger seemed to be genuinely considering the question, searching Angelica's face for the right answer. Angelica tried her best to keep her expression neutral; if she was going to sleep with an abused prostitute, she was going to make it as consensual as she could, and that included honesty in her interests.

After a long moment Maria broke their eye contact, her eyes had dampened only the slightest and her cheeks grew pink, “No one had ever asked me anything like that. I don’t know – I don’t think I’ve even thought about it.” Her voice was lined with shame in her confession and Angelica’s heart ached for the life this girl has endured.

“I’m asking you because it’s only Saturday and this weekend has me starting to wonder if my never having been with a woman was because of preference, or lack of option. Do you understand what I mean by that?” A small nod from Maria and Angelica continued, “Now I don’t care how much money I gave your husband, you are not in any circumstances obligated to do anything with me, you are allowed to say no without penalty or hostility. Do you understand that?” Another nod. Good. “When I first saw you, in a dress far too small for the weather and make-up that must of taken some practice, I was, intrigued. You aren’t the first girl that’s ever caught my eye, but it was maybe the first time I knew it was in the same way an attractive man might. Some conversations I had today really made me realize how significant that might be.”

There was a long pause between them, the air had grown thick, and at some point Maria had gotten closer. Angelica’s hand had consequentially travelled up her thigh in the shift. Aware of it now her hand flexed and the grip she adjusted on Maria’s thigh had the girl’s lips parting to let out a heavy breath. “And last night, I kissed you. And you kissed me back.” Angelica waited for a reply, but nothing came save for Maria leaning forward the slightest bit more and an almost silent sound falling out of her mouth. “I was wondering now, if you’d like me to do it again.”

A final nod from Maria and Angelica was closing the gap to press their lips together in a kiss that didn’t make a thousand worries rush through her head like the one the night before did. One hand held Maria’s jaw in a grip more gentle than she thought she was capable of and the other moved from her thigh to hold fast the dip of her waist, just above the wide spread of her hips. Maria’s hands held lose grips on each of Angelica’s wrists; it was clear she eventually tired of their urgent kissing and pulled the hand on her face down towards her chest. Angelica paused and moved her head back just far enough for them to catch their breath, “Bed.”

They fell to the smooth sheets and plush pillows with breathless kisses, Angelica quickly found herself straddled by Maria, and pushed the girl’s shirt up up up and broke the kiss to remove it. Maria returned the favour and they paused, just looking at each other, they had found themselves that way a lot in the short time they’ve known each other.

She reached out a hand and let her fingers trail gently over the soft expanse of the younger’s stomach, tracing faint stretch marks down her thigh and up her back, sitting herself up enough to reach behind and stop her hands at the clasp of her bra, a barely-there nod and Angelica flicked it open, Maria let the lace article fall and Angelica took in a short breath. She grew up with two younger sisters and spent a fair amount of time in locker rooms with teammates, but something about seeing someone naked with a whole new purpose built a warmth between her legs and in the pit of her stomach that made her want _more_.

She fell back against the pillows, pulling Maria with her and attaching their lips, she let her hands find the girl’s chest and familiarize themselves, experimentally tugging at one of her nipples and relishing in the gasp she got in return. Her mouth travelled down Maria’s neck, not rough enough to leave a mark but not gentle enough to be just a kiss, dancing around the her nipple before a soft whine convinced Angelica to take the dark bud into her mouth, laving it with her tongue and measured scrapes of teeth. She listened as Maria’s breath grew heavy and flipped them over to nudge her knee between Maria’s leg, grinding down on the thigh she consequently found between her own, Maria inhaled sharply and pulled Angelica’s face back up to meet her own. Maria pushed Angelica’s tennis skirt and panties off in one pull and made quick work of the older woman’s bra while Angelica kicked her clothes off the bed and tugged off Maria’s pants, pausing before removing her underwear to press her thumb on the wet spot that had formed there. She rubbed softly and glanced at Maria’s watching gaze and open mouth, she paused when words replaced the steady flow of breath, “Please. Can I taste you?”  Her words were a little shaken, as though the request was outlandish, but Angelica couldn’t be happier to comply, laughing and nodding while pressing their lips together quickly and letting Maria return them to their original position, instead kneeling between Angelica’s legs rather than over them.

Eager kisses were pressed down Angelica’s stomach, a gentle smile on Maria’s lips the whole way, turning the kisses into more of a press of her mouth than much else, when she reached Angelica’s thighs the older of the two spread her legs with little patience, Maria’s expression sobering into deep arousal as she pressed another kiss to Angelica’s inner thigh and took in the sight of her. She let her eye’s meet Maria’s as the girl _finally_ laid her mouth on her, only to press a soft kiss to her clit, but making Angelica gasp all the same. Soft dark eyelashes fluttered shut as she began to push her tongue between the folds, tasting with soft kitten licks that made it impossible to resist the urge to press a hand to the long curly hair in a silent request for _more_.

Maria took the response with fervor and began to fuck her tongue deep into Angelica, licking up with broad strokes and sucking on her clit in a way that made Angelica’s stomach tighten and toes curl. She could only imagine how wet she was, how wet _Maria_ was, and soon her hips were bucking and Maria’s hand came up to pinch and pull her nipples until Angelica gasped and came, clamping her thighs so tight she would’ve been worried if it was for how little Maria reacted, slowing her tongue to work Angelica through her climax.

Angelica melted into the bed, limbs heavy as lead as she came down from the best orgasm she’d ever experienced. Okay. Maybe a lesbian. Her thoughts were pulled away from her as Maria looked up from where she was resting on her stomach; her face was shiny slick from being buried in Angelica’s wetness, her jaw slack and mouth open and an arm between herself and the mattress leading to the hand she had in her panties, panting faintly and riding the feel of her own fingers.

The sight gave Angelica a new sense of energy and she surged forward to push her lips to Maria’s, tasting herself and moaning at the filth of it. Neither broke the kiss as Maria let Angelica flip her over, and Angelica tossed Maria’s panties to meet the rest of the clothing on the floor. She batted away Maria’s hand and pressed kisses to her neck while she slipped her own fingers in the soaking heat, rubbing over her clit for a moment before pushing one, then two fingers into the girl who was breathing soft utters of _yes yes yes_. She crooked her fingers and let her thumb press on Maria’s clit, building up her speed until she was able to pull back to watch her back arch up and her face screw shut as she came, tightening around Angelica’s fingers and pausing her breath only to gasp for it as she came down. Angelica was enamoured by the sight.

She fell to her back beside Maria, didn’t protest when the girl turned over to drape an arm over Angelica’s stomach and tuck her head under her chin, found bliss in the soft skin on skin and tickle of unruly hair on her neck. They laid uncovered for a long time in a silence that Maria eventually broke, once again returning to her timid demeanor, “Um, I don’t want to push you or accuse you of anything at- at all but you told me you weren’t gay?”

Angelica chuckled, then laughed, _really_ _laughed_. She shook with it and Maria huffed out a laugh of her own but mostly looked startled so Angelica forced herself to sober with a few coughs and a heavy breath out. “Sorry, it’s just, yeah, I did didn’t I? I might’ve been wrong about my previous disclaimer.” At that Maria gave an honest giggle of her own, now seeing the humor in the question, and settled back against Angelica who glanced at the time and was surprised to see how long they had taken, it felt like only a minute, maybe lesbian sex was the world’s best kept secret. “Do you want dinner?”

The night dissolved into comfortable silences paired with good food, Angelica pulled on her slip to accept the room service and offer a tip but Maria seemed content to remain completely naked, only wrapped in a sheet to preserve her modesty. They fell asleep that night wrapped up in the bed together, both overly aware of the lack of time they had left together.

Angelica woke early the next morning and left Maria with a room key for the breakfast downstairs, texting John about meeting and getting the address of the Starbucks he was loyal to. She threw on some clothes and walked the early morning Manhattan streets until she found the familiar face of John Laurens. It felt different to see him, he was the same, still wearing his same style of clothes, still covered in freckles and smiling too big; but this time she felt like she was seeing someone who gave her something rather than someone who took something away. This time she wanted to smile back, and her grin stretched naturally across her lips when he offered her one of the two cups in his hands. “Eliza told me how you take it.”

“Thanks; also, thank you, for your advice yesterday. I don’t think there’s anyone else who could’ve given that to me.” She lifted the opening in the cup lid to her lips but didn’t sip it, John led them to a table and they sat, the overcrowded Starbucks so packed with people looking for their morning coffee that all conversations blended into a white noise that gave the illusion of privacy.

“Yeah no worries, look I know you love Alex, it’s in your eyes. But you never hesitated to put Eliza’s happiness first which is crazy commendable, what caught my attention is that you never found anyone else, there’s no way you’d never even _like_ someone, and instead you moved in with a guy just to make your dad happy?” Angelica’s expression hardened; this guy definitely didn’t connect with Alex over their way with words.

“That’s pretty presumptuous.” She sipped her coffee, looked away from him to people watch with disinterest.

“Sorry! I’m trying to tell you how we’re alike, my dad is like, sickly homophobic, you know that. After the wedding I was so obviously depressed so he wanted to point me away from Alex and towards a woman and so he could get his oldest back into his life. He introduced me to Martha, and we got married and had a kid and everything, just so he was happy, but we both knew it wasn’t love. So when I heard about Phillip I talked to her, and my daughter was still a baby so I moved to the Hamilton’s and I pay child support but Martha is happy to raise her alone, more so that she was with me at least; it’s really a messy situation but I’m happy with Eliza and Alex y’know? I don’t want to see you fall into a situation like that because no one pointed out your other options.” John took a long sip from his coffee and watched Angelica’s face with a cautious gaze.

She took her time processing his story, it was a lot. And she remembered her own father’s talk of his lack of grandchildren from his oldest, remembered her John telling her they should both just ‘get it over with’ like a child was a chore. No one was going to pull her out of that but herself, and being with another woman, she didn’t dare fantasize about Maria specifically, for the rest of her life seemed like a beautifully winsome idea. She agreed with and thanked John and pulled the conversation to Phillip and little Angelica, they chatted until his phone buzzed, it was Alex and he smiled while he read it and indulged in a bit of conversation before seeming to remember himself, and offering Angelica an apologetic smile. “He sent me pictures of Phillip and Angie, doctor check-ups. Look at this one, she made him hold her hand.” The picture was sweet, her niece squeezing her nephews hand while sitting in Eliza’s lap, who was beaming at the camera; maybe just at Alex, he probably had his own goofy grin at the charming scene. There was a caption underneath; _Home now, neither of the kids are dying, but I don’t know why El insisted on paying doctor fees to tell us something we already knew_. Alex always hated the doctors, he and John caused all sorts of trouble back in college and it was always followed by his frantic demand of no hospitals while Eliza tried to tend to whatever injury he’d gotten himself that time.

 “Looks like you have someone to get back to. I’m sure my email is bursting at this point; I’ll see you at dinner yeah? Thank you. Again.” She gestured to his phone and he nodded, they exchanged pleasantries and parted ways. She tried to ignore the flutter in her stomach that occurred each time she took a step closer to the hotel room where Maria was waiting for her.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always so greatly appreciated


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